Nasally, raw and pained, if you've heard Michelle Caiazzo’s voice, its distinctive tone is impossible to miss. When combined with her presence as a front woman and uncompromisingly gritty lyrics, it's easy to understand why she fronts one of New York City's finest bands, Dollhouse.
Dollhouse isn't Michelle’s first band, with her forming the band Mommy with her friends Tye and Ian. While somewhat overshadowed by Dollhouse, the raw energy and impeccable lyricism of Mommy laid the groundwork for Michelle and Tye’s next band. Out of the ashes and painful break up of Mommy, Dollhouse emerged.
Instrumentally, Dollhouse is akin to Gloom or Disorder if the members made it prettier. It’s melodic while still retaining an utterly raw and downtrodden sound. The other part of what makes Dollhouse the band it is are Michelle’s vocals and lyrics. Michelle's lyrics are an uncompromising look into a hard life, and that is precisely what makes them so powerful.
In her snotty, emotional screams you can hear anguish, anger, and disillusionment flow forth. In Michelle’s own words, “lifes hard” and her art conveys the pain and complexity of that hardship.
Over the course of a few months, Michelle graciously took the time to answer my questions about her life, art, and influences, which have been collected into this Q&A. If you aren't already familiar with the band, Dollhouse's latest release is 2024's I Hate You Dont Leave Me EP.
How did you first get involved in the punk scene in NYC?
I was a little tweeeen when I got into it. I would go down to St. Marks and hang out on the steps of Search and Destroy or drink 40s in Tompkins, all decked out with my hair big. I got obsessed really quickly. Eventually, my bestie Ramos and I discovered Crass at 13, which put us into hyper drive and (we) threw our lives into it fully.
We’d see zombie vandals do bad kid shit over and over. I was just very fixated on going to shows. Everyone was so mean, sososo mean but it was amazing. I could express myself in a place where wearing makeup and the most outlandish outfits were somewhat praised, while in other places it would have put you in danger.
That, paired with the soundtrack, made it a beautiful time, though it could often be beyond grim. Everyone from that era of my youth is dead now.
How did Dollhouse first start?
Dollhouse started in the wake of my first band, Mommy. Breaking up Mommy was devastating to me. I didn’t think I could do something as good or better so I just mourned that for a while. Mixing crasher crust with my confessional poetry was so perfect in my brain, and Ithought I peaked with that.
I stayed writing poetry zines, then I moved in with Henry. It was a beautiful bleak drug den where booze and powder drugs kept us up for days. We'd lock away in his room and I'd write in my notepad while he played guitar with a drum machine track on or this little cute piano he was obsessed with.
A few months of that, and we were like, "Okay, it is time." Drug sick and delusional we called Tye (also in Mommy) to be a part of this, he was down
right away and then Margaret. At practice, Tye would put his leads over it which I always felt put even more of a focus on the melodic (aspects) in my favorite way while Margaret’s bass would make it sound ugly and sad.
Once assembled, we quickly wrote our first song, “Making New Friends With Other Losers,” and argued about a band name for a few months. Aww, the
beginning was so cute, though much hasn’t changed.
What bands were influential to you and your bandmates when making music for Mommy? And what bands are influential to you and your bandmates in Dollhouse?
Mommy was completely influenced by Disorder, Gloom, and Kaaos. No other influences, just those three. It was very strict. Dollhouse is more all over the place, always Disorder though.
Disorder is the band forever, especially if you listen to songs like "Condemned" or "Remembrance Day" you can hear the influence easily. People always think it's Rites of Spring or something, which isn’t it. I think we are just a more adorned Disorder.
What are your top 5 favorite LPs or EPs?
- Crass, Penis Envy
- Disorder, Perdition
- Kaaos, Ristiinnaulittu Kaaos
- The Swankys, The Very Best of Hero
- Gloom, Speed Noise Hardcore Rags
What drives your creativity and how does it influence your work?
It's redundant to keep talking about it, but I wasn’t socialized normally. Being institutionalized for 4 years straight put a strain on how I interact with friends, family, and my own being. There's a distance inside of me when I interact, I'm overwhelmed easily, I exaggerate and I am obsessed with letting people know about my wounds.
I am attention obsessed. I write when I'm drinking, when I'm blue and distant. I feel far away, often my thoughts aren’t able to be held for long and are fleeting and quick. I try to get them down as fast as possible which makes me hard to work with, that’s why if there's a task that needs to be done, I need discipline because I can't be left alone on my own or else it just belongs to the air.
Has transitioning impacted your musical output, and if so how?
It has not changed how I write, I gave clues the whole time. I've always been an exuberant woman. Though sometimes childlike and broken, coming out has not helped. I still self harm, fixate, thirst for attention, nothing gets done, and I am stagnant.
My writing reflects the lack of growth and the middle ground that happens when you can't love yourself. Between abuse and a dream my gender is irrelevant, but I have always been a girl and everyone that’s looked at me has figured it out.
How do your experiences with mental illness and its treatment come through in your work, both in Mommy and Dollhouse?
I don't think I articulate my mental illness well. I gravitate more towards the consequences of it rather than my neglect of helping myself or the beautiful aspects of mania that I enjoy that make me feel dramatic and magnetic. I bounce back from indulging then quickly to shame. I fixate on the moments before confinement and during which has allowed me zero emotional growth.
The only thing I can do is write about my experiences through it and experiment with my poetry even outside the band. We had nothing to occupy our brains in those institutions, so I focused on writing and became obsessed with that craft. So I think it always bleeds through if I'm talking about someone I met there, an issue that caused me to be there in the first place, or dwelling on the paranoia that I will be forced to go back.
As for treatment and writing, I never have independently worked on it enough to see a change in myself so I don’t know who that person is. Also, no need for me to talk about my diagnosis’s here, the clues are there though.
What is the writing process like for your lyrics?
This is what I do. Drinking in parks, distancing (myself) from friends, and purposely worrying those close to me for attention. When I drown I need to be loved, when I'm loved I feel sick, when I feel sick I create, repeat repeat.
What bands or vocalists have influenced your vocal style the most?
I can't be influenced by anyone because it'll make me jealous and cry. Lifes a competition, lifes hard.
Eve Libertine.
Talk to me a bit about the Dollhouse record sleeve art and that creative process.
For the first release, it was just a quick photo of the doll I took with the goal of her looking as sad and distraught as myself at the time, and that stuck and we decided for that to be our logo. For the 7 inches, all the sets are made out of foamcore and are gigantic. Since the doll is 17 inches tall, the train, for example (on the First Day of Spring 7 inch), had to be the same scale as her.
Henry (drums) is the craftsman behind building the sets, and I come up with the narrativestory behind it. It takes Henry a few months to build them out fully, then we photograph it and wash the photos out. The sets deteriorate quickly so there is an urgency in how fast it all needs to be done.
For the I Hate You Don’t Leave Me 7 inch, it was a replica of my old bedroom that was drowned in garbage, bottles, pills and bloody sheets. It was extremely accurate, my room may have been more chaotic actually. The album art all together tells a story that I won't reveal here, but I think most people have gotten it. The baseline of it is she has dreams of being a model and that will never ever ever ever happen and it makes her hate herself.
(Autobiographical).
What advice would you give to those who look up to you, or are inspired by your work?
I am broke with a mutilated body and a failing drug heart. I am emotionally destitute and can't achieve any goals. No one should look up to me.
Is there anything you'd like to say as we close this interview out?
Thank you anyone that likes our band. It does mean so much to me. I never thought anyone would listen. It really does make me happy-cry knowing it didn't drift into grey.
Free Palestine. Free Congo. Free Sudan.
I love you all.
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I Hate You Don't Leave Me is available on vinyl via Toxic State Records.
You can find Michelle and Dollhouse on Instagram.
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